Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Justin Trudeau Weighs in on Political Principles

With the Olympics now a memory Canada returns to our other national sport, politics. With the battle now rejoined it appears that the Liberal Party of Canada is pulling out the big guns to fire the opening salvos. It began with Iffy's op-ed piece in the Grope and Flail....the one he wrote during the gold medal game and is now followed by this stellar bit from the crown prince of the LPC. Justin Trudeau.

Justin awkwardly opens here:

Even though it makes my job as a member of the Official Opposition a little easier, I am genuinely disappointed that this Conservative government didn’t hold true to the principles that brought it to power.

And I’m not even talking about their abject failure to be fiscally responsible or their enthusiasm for patronage and pork. I’m referring to the basic premise of the old Reform Party, the call for a government that is open, accountable, and respectful of democratic values and the rights of its citizens.


Who would have thought that the brilliance that sprang from the loins of the great Pierre Elliot Trudeau would one day bemoan the passing of Preston Manning's Reform Party. Of course it gets better. Justin further elucidates:

Instead, over the past four years, Stephen Harper has carefully nurtured and encouraged a level of cynicism about politics and politicians heretofore unseen in Canada. Instead of championing the conservative principle of less government, he made people believe less in government.

Ummm....Justin....simple folk like myself don't believe in government intervention, so it follows that less is best. PM Harper did not create this belief in me, your dad did. Meanwhile JT further hacks his way through this piece:

He started by selling us policies that were simple and catchy, but had little real impact (think GST cuts instead of income-tax cuts, or $100 child-care cheques instead of actual child-care spaces). Add to that his propensity to launch vicious personal attacks on anyone – politician or citizen – with the temerity to disagree with them, and his tried and true Bush-era tactic of loudly repeating semi-truths and falsehoods often enough for them to take hold, and it’s no wonder that a weary populace has been turning away from the goings-on in Ottawa.

He becomes a scary them, followed by the obligatory Bush/Harper bash and closes with a wondering, wailing, warble about the tragedy of it all. Justin does manage to finish with a flourish though:

The fact that Stephen Harper didn't anticipate the strength of the prorogation outrage is proof that he overestimated the effectiveness of his campaign of induced cynicism. And, yet again, underestimated Canadians' faith in our democracy. Because for all the undeniable short-term partisan advantages of wedge issues, attack ads, and the politics of division, Canadians resist because we know that we deserve better.

We are a people of differences, in languages, religions, backgrounds, histories, cultures, and colours, but we are a people bound together by values that run deeper. We are open, compassionate, and generous. We seek justice, liberty, and opportunities for all. But above everything, we respect each other, and demand that respect in return.

And that’s why Stephen Harper’s strategies of secrecy, small-mindedness, and cynicism will ultimately fail, because simply put: Canadians will never trust a government that does not trust Canadians.


Listen up kid. My political cynicism began with your father. When you speak of wedge politics you seem to forget that dear dead dad perfected the game. When you speak of respect you fail to recognize that real respect is earned not demanded and when you speak of trust you obviously overlook the brown envelopes crammed with our money that found their way into LPC coffers.

Finally a couple of quotes from a well known, even revered, Canadian politician of yore:

“If I found in my own ranks that a certain number of guys wanted to cut my throat, I'd make sure that I cut their throats first.”

and

“Power only tires those who don't exercise it.”

Three guesses who's quoted.

Syncro

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Team Canada As Sydney Crosby's Muse?

So I'm watching tonight's Canada/Germany hockey game and Rick Nash busts in, splitting the defense and attacking the net, drawing a penalty SHOT.

With Canada leading 4-0 coach Babcock surmises that at this critical juncture what we really need is to let the media designated star pull a little razzle dazzle.

So he appoints Sid the Kid to take the shot.....which he of course misses.

Nice.

Syncro

Monday, February 15, 2010

Heather Mallick Mounts the Pissy Podium

Perpetual whiner Heather Mallick is once again embarrassed to be Canadian. In a rambling ode to manic depression Heather hits all the lefty talking points.

Watch and learn, Brits. In 2012 you'll be like us: curled up like a shrimp on the couch, screaming as your prime minister – whoever he may be at that point – embarrasses you in public at the opening of the Olympic games.

Whenever Stephen Harper's big boxy grey-lidded head appeared on screen, with its wet smile (note on his hand: Try to grin like normal human), I would rant at anyone within hearing, ie, no one. "He's Bush with a mean streak, he's a Slytherin, we only gave him a minority government in a prolonged fit of pique." (Then I'd say it in French, out of bilingual idealism.)



Nice job Heather, a Gollum reference, a George Bush reference, a Sarah Palin reference, a Harry Potter reference a Natural Governing Party reference and a official bilingualism reference. But tell us how you really feel.


In Canada, we normally we have a House of Commons where our MPs vent on our behalf, but since Harper prorogued parliament (governing is so much more efficient without it, as one of his ministers put it) with the permission of the governor-general, we have nowhere else to go but the sofa.


Prorougation induced depression and poor editing...Good grief. Naturally it gets weirder.

For Canadians, the opening ceremonies in Vancouver on Friday were like watching your dad get drunk at a party. You love the guy, but my God, he isn't going to dance. In front of everyone. Look, he's taking off his jacket. As I live and die, what is he wearing? Awww, I love him. And so on.

The event gave the impression that Canadians spent their time posing on pointy mountains, paddling navy blue lakes and staring at evergreens (anti-deciduous to an extent that verged on the racist, I say), surrounded by snow snow snow, more snow than air. And we honour the wisdom of our aboriginal peoples, whose land we, well, stole but they have forgiven us and dance at our Olympic ceremonies.

In reality, most of us are frighteningly inert, the water on the reserves where our poverty-stricken native Canadians live is undrinkable, British Columbia trees are being killed en masse by the mountain pine beetle unleashed by climate change, and the snow is brown and crusty on the curbs of the cities near the US border where most of us live.


Yikes! Daddy issues, batshit crazy racism reference, colonialism, tokenism, aboriginal poverty, global warming and anti-Americanism. Heather is in fine form, peaking at just the right time. She goes on to critique the opening ceremonies and then returns to her favorite topic...her depression.

It's her updated depressing rendition of her classic Both Sides Now ("I really don't know clouds/love/life at all") which I always call I Hate Myself and Want to Die. You'll remember the song from Love Actually when Emma Thompson had just learned that Alan Rickman had been unfaithful. She spent the song in the marital bedroom dazedly straightening out a quilt.

I spent it sobbing. Thanks, Olympic organisers!


Classic Mallick. A true gold medal performance.

Syncro

Friday, January 29, 2010

Rick Mercer Contemplates Felatio

Having somehow missed out on the latest senate appointments, television personality Rick Mercer tweeted out to his peeps with a call for suggestions on whom one can blow for a senate seat.

Two things came to mind:

Rhetorical...right?

and

You haven't been blowing the wrong guys ...have you?

Syncro

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Warren Kinsella and Transferable Skills

As a former employment councilor I am a proponent of skills transferability. That is to say, transferring the skills one learns in a particular job to another, often divergent position.

A lowly paperboy who learns the value of accounting and the rewards associated with consistency can use fiscal prudence and personal perseverance all his life. The greenest roughneck can learn the importance of organization and the pride of professionalism, skills that are in demand always.

That is why I was pleased to see this missive from Warren Kinsella.

Warren wittingly wonders about the impact of urinal advertising by the Government of Canada. The pithy part involves "tools".

Not only does this display a keen sense of bathroom diligence it marks a synthesis of skills.

Warren appears to have combined bathroom monitor with restaurant critic to define his own niche.

Bathroom Advertising Critic.

Now if that isn't skills transfer nothing is.

Syncro

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Live Blogging State of the Union Address or Speech 347

I decided to try my hand at live blogging tonight partly inspired by this drinking game courtesy of The Huffington Post

The regular script is my objective interpretation of POTUS , the italisized script my own voice.


7:14 Barry's on !!

7:15 Things were really shitty when I took over, I'm here now and the worst has passed

7:16 First mention of change....first shot of the night!

7:17 So far the TOTUS is performing brilliantly.

7:19 Biden can't seem to get with the clapping program....another shot

7:21 Bad Bankers...standing O

7:22 Barry channels Ronald Reagan. Tax cuts

7:24 Wha?...Tax cuts led to 2 million jobs...firemen, teachers, cops....there is so much wrong with this that I'm gonna take three shots

7:27 30 billion for jobs Yay!!!!

7:28 Tax cuts for small business, big business, funny business etc...

7:30 First mention of green jobs...another shot!

7:32 Were #1...Were #1...

7:35 I'm serious now...banks bad....but banks are good...something something..cancer...clean energy....another shot....climategate...CLIMATEGATE....nuclear energy...NUCLEAR ENERGY....offshore oil drilling...WTF OFFSHORE OIL DRILLING.....

7:38 I must be drunk already

7:40 Maybe not...free trade that sounds like protectionism...that's better.

7:42 Race for the Top or No Child Left Behind......same thing.....another shot

7:43 Free University....crack the keg!!!!!!

7:45 Second mortgage and Healthcare reform....no sweat....refinance silly!!

7:48 Michelle is tackling fat kids...thanks Honey

7:49 We'll reduce the deficit by 1 trillion over twenty years.....time to drink again

7:50 Healthcare reform alone will not reduce the deficit...drinking time again

7:51 George Bush you asshole...unpaid wars......

7:52 Spending freeze....and don't make me call Vito!

7:55 Arcane shit...time to drink

7:57 George Bush you colossal asshole

8:00 We are the first WhiteHouse that twitters!

8:01 No more foreign money for election campaigns....just to bankroll government operations

8:03 Play politics nice please....pretty please

8:05 I screwed up the super majority so you Republicans are on the hook now too.

8:06 911...defence and hope...three shots

8:07 Troop surge Afstan plus the Arabs love us!

8:08 I won the war in Iraq in only a year....drinks all around!!

8:10 Michelle and Joe are on the military family file....god help them

8:11 North Korea and Iran....consequences......oooohhhhh!!

8:12 muslims..climate change...haiti....afstan girls...freedom...just take a shot when you want

8:15 Gay marines...equal pay...oops lost the feed..grab a drink

8:19 Cynicism, dissapointment....Change You can Believe In....don't blame it on me..it's you dummies that don't get how smart I am

8:21 Haiti twice and USA...USA....Crack another bottle

Syncro

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Anti-Prorogation's Professional Protesters

The CBC breathlessly reported on 35 anti-prorogation protesters that greeted Prime Minister Harper in Toronto yesterday. While the small number of protesters was notable what was even more interesting is the identity of key organizers. An excerpt:

Canada's convalescing economy may have topped Prime Minister Stephen Harper's agenda Wednesday, but anti-prorogation anger ended up crashing his Toronto road show.

About 35 protesters, ranging from students to seniors, picketed Harper's afternoon visit to the C.D. Howe Institute, chanting "Stop the prorogation, listen to the nation!"

It's just a taste of what's to come on Saturday, when thousands are expected to gather at rallies across Canada to protest the shutdown of Parliament, said Walied Khogali, who helped organize the demonstration.

"We just want to send a clear message that we are watching and we do care, and our MPs are accountable to us, not to any specific political party or to any elite," said the 25-year-old university student. "We want them back to work."

Wednesday's protest, which included antiwar demonstrators and those opposing Canadian terror suspect Omar Khadr's detention at Guantanamo Bay, was confined to the sidewalk opposite the institute's office until police shut down the busy downtown street.


Make note of the "Why are we Paying You?" protest sign, it becomes relevant later.

I thought I recognized Mr. Khogali's name and sure enough he has quite a google footprint. My favorite find is this image recording the Canadian Students Federation Day of Action.

The photo caption reads:

Walied Khogali, former president of the University of Toronto at Mississauga Students' Union, shouts profanities at Greg McBride, 4th year cognitive science and political science student at the University of Toronto, who carried a sign saying "Don't ask others to pay for your schooling.

It seems professional protester Walied Khogali was offended by the notion that he should have to pay for his own education. Which leads me to wonder what the canadian taxpayer is subsidizing his education for?

Of course this is only one of Mr. Khogali's many accomplishments. It seems he has published opinions on CRTC liscencing of Al-Jezera English in various lefty publications including this gem.

Walied is also a minor celebrity at the CBC, giving an on air interview on the eve of Obama's inaugeration. It seems Walied even made time to campaign for the big O in West Virginia.



And finally, for those of you who do facebook, I encourage you to check out Mr. Khogali's postings entittled: Stop Jason Kenny from using our taxes to discriminate.

It's good to know the Anti-prorougation forces are non-partisan and grassroots.



Syncro