Thursday, November 09, 2006

CBC...CTV...Global and a Guelph Mercury

I was surfing around tonight and found this interesting piece by ChuckerCanuck on the latest visit of one Bill Clinton to Canada. It seems Bill is in country for a couple of fundraisers. What I found interesting were Bill's purported comments on Canadian Forces involvement in Afghanistan as reported by something called a Guelph Mercury. Some pertinent excerpts:

Former U.S. president Bill Clinton urged Canada to keep its soldiers fighting in Afghanistan in a talk in Kitchener yesterday.

Pulling out of the country now could allow the repressive Taliban regime to take control again, he warned.

The Taliban would again offer protection to the terrorists who attacked the U.S. on Sept. 11, 2001 and who are now in hiding, he said.

"That would have direct implications for your security," Clinton said.

Holy shit! That sounds absolutely hawkish! Direct implications for our security? Bill Clinton taking a position that supports Prime Minister Stephen Harper and those nasy Conservatives? What the hell is this world coming to? With trepadation I read on:

"If we lose in Afghanistan and the Taliban come back, it will not only be a nightmare for the Afghan people," Clinton said, "but it will create greater options of movement for the Al-Qaeda leadership, and increase the likelihood that they will be able to mount and conduct more global terrorist operations."

Clinton drew distinctions between the NATO-led war in Afghanistan and the American-led war in Iraq.

The U.S. made a "serious mistake" by invading Iraq when it was already fighting in Afghanistan, and by underestimating the challenges in each place, he said.

"Because Canada has been part of our NATO alliance in Afghanistan, you are paying the price of that," Clinton said.

Clinton said the resignation yesterday of U.S. Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld likely signals a change in U.S. policy on the Iraq war.

"It is a signal that there will be a different direction," he said.

What?? Withdrawal from Afstan would mean an increase in global terrorism? Afstan is a NATO led as opposed to being an American (read Bush) led war? Potential changes in U.S. foriegn policy? How can this be? I'm so confused Uncle Willy!

I could barely believe what I was reading! Having never heard of a "Guelph Mercury" I immediately became suspicious. I mean really....I've heard of Mercury (huge car...something like a LTD) but what the hell is a Guelph? I decided to check this obvious fraud out. Being a proud citizen of this great country I immediately thought of "Canada's Most Trusted News Source"....The CBC.

Just as I suspected. Not a word about the previous President of the United States commenting on what a Democrat controlled Congress might mean for American foriegn policy and the implications this may have on Canadian forces in Afghanistan. Ahhh Haaa!!! This is obviously some kind of hoax that these "Guelphs" are trying to pull on us! I decided to double check the "facts" on the CTV website.

Once again no mention of Bill Clinton supporting Canadian military involvement in Afghanistan. There were however links to a story on that redneck prick Klein attacking Belinda, a really interesting piece on K-Fed, something about those hicks in Alberta cutting down more trees, a bit about our noble opposition trying to convince those nasty Conservatives to save the environment and a brilliant piece on how driving your car is screwing with the environment. I got so interested in these hard hitting bits of journalism that I ended up opening the "Canada" page. to get more. Lo and behold, second from the bottom, I found mention of Bill Clinton along with Belinda Stronach (where have I heard them mentioned together before? anyways I digress). I was going to bust these "Guelphs" once and for all!!

I eagerly clicked on the link and just as I suspected no mention of Afghanistan!! What I did find in the text was much more in line with what one would expect from ex-president Clinton and all the famous, beautifull and important people who flock to the great man! This was more like it:

Belinda Stronach and Rick Mercer pleaded for support Thursday for a program that would provide insecticide-treated nets to protect African children from malaria.

The Canadian MP and well-known Canadian comedian joined luminaries such as former U.S. president Bill Clinton and actor Mia Farrow Thursday in calling for help to end poverty at an international conference on global poverty in Montreal.

The former president, who stopped to sign an autograph on his way into the convention centre, received an ovation more fitting a rock star than a politician, CTV's Rob Lurie reported from the convention centre floor.

Clinton put his charisma to work at the Montreal Millennium Promise Conference, firing up enthusiasm for the elimination of poverty

Yeah!!! Like a rock star!!! I was so excited I could feel the charisma oozing through my high speed connection. I just had to read on:

The war in Iraq cost US$300 billion, Clinton told more than 3,000 attendees of the conference. But the U.S. has failed to provide a promised US$30 billion in promised foreign aid that could help provide protect Africa's water, increase that continents grain production and educate African children, he said.

"We're here today to save lives. It's that's simple," Stronach said.

Stronach and Mercer were at the conference to promote a "Spread the Net" program for purchasing and distributing bed nets in Africa to help protect children from mosquitoes.

Yes!! You preach it sister. It was also comforting to hear the anti-war message from Mr. Clinton that I've come to expect. But I couldn't wait to read more:

The program, which aims to get individuals to buy 500,000 bed nets for distribution in Liberia and Rwanda, is the brainchild of Dr. Jeffrey Sachs, a famed economist and author of The End of Poverty.

Sachs also criticized the U.S. war in Iraq and urged Canadians not to let the Stephen Harper's Conservative government abandon the Kyoto Protocol on climate change.

Now that's journalism! I just knew that the war in Iraq and Harpers position on Koyoto had something to do with mosquitos in Africa. Those neo-con bastards! In the end the former president had the final word:

Investing in the fight against poverty now will cost much less than paying for the consequences of not acting later, Clinton noted.

"One in four of all the worlds deaths this year, including huge numbers -- millions of them children -- will come from aids, TB, malaria and infections related to dirty water," Clinton said.

"All of the things we can do are much cheaper than deaing with the aftermath of calamity,'' he said. "And they are also parenthetically are much cheaper than going to war.''

Thank you Mr. President! I just knew you were anti-war! I sat there basking in the cyber induced glow that only the truth can inspire and pondered what my next step might be in exposing the slander that these obviously right wing "Guelphs" were attempting to perpetuate.

I decided to cover all the bases and pop by Global National's site to make sure the bastards hadn't infiltrated there. Thankfully all was well. Three stories on the vicious attack on Belinda, one on a vicious attack on Daniel Igali in Nigeria (something about stealing laptops,cash, cell phones and mosquito nets) three about a naked GWB getting his balls handed to him by someone named Nancy Pelosi and two about those mosquito loving, gas guzzling Conservatives. I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief.

Now to the crux of the matter at hand. I don't know who the hell you "Guelphs" are (probably some code word for conservative) but you can all fuck right off back to Alberta (I presume that's where you evil bastards are from) and take them gas guzzling land yachts with you!


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