Sunday, April 29, 2007

Self-Fullfilling Parodies?

As those of you who frequent my humble blog may have noted, I post sporadically and when I do snottyness is generally the order of the day. That said, I have been thinking of moving towards a full-parody style of writing in the tradition of The Onion or the incomparable Scooters Report. As a self-proclaimed conservative my obvious target would be the left.

Having done some market research into the possibilities available for those who would mock the left, I find the market to be a crowded one. There are of course partisans such as Chucker Canuck who excell at mocking the left among us who pretend to lead, while right leaning non-partisans like Olaf of The Prarie Wranglers mocks the left with a kinder, gentler, machine gun wit. Yet others like Kate Mc Millan of Small Dead Animals cuts to the chase with the succinct precision of an onacololigical surgeon.

While I respect the unique abilities of each of the above, I find the stiffest competition in mocking the left is...well... the left. Case in point...The Toronto Star and their editorial take on Global Warming.

The instant the doors to the crowded elevator closed, an elegantly dressed businesswoman who was squashed into one corner spoke up loudly and excitedly: "Okay, who is ready to quit their job and sign up to help him?"
The "him" was Al Gore.


We were riding up the elevator in a downtown Toronto hotel late last month to meet Gore after he had delivered to a business audience his now-famous presentation on global warming, which formed the basis of the Oscar-winning documentary film, An Inconvenient Truth.

The woman's excitement mirrored the response that follows Gore, known by many of his fans as "The Goracle," wherever he appears in Canada.

The Goracle... a clever compilation of Gore and oracle. What exactly is an Oracle? This from the free online dictionary (because I'm too cheap to buy one)

or·a·cle
play_w("O0104400")
(ôr-kl, r-)
n.
1.
a. A shrine consecrated to the worship and consultation of a prophetic deity, as that of Apollo at Delphi.
b. A person, such as a priestess, through whom a deity is held to respond when consulted.
c. The response given through such a medium, often in the form of an enigmatic statement or allegory.
2.
a. A person considered to be a source of wise counsel or prophetic opinions.
b. An authoritative or wise statement or prediction.
3. A command or revelation from God.
4. In the Bible, the sanctuary of the Temple.

(emphasis mine)

Would that deity be Gaia? Has AGW become a religion? If so how does this fit with the left's repulsion of religion? Hmmmmm.... Anyways...

The elegantly dressed business woman. Class, power and feminity...the proverbial triple threat...yet she is seemingly willing to give it all up to follow the Goracle. Wow!!!! Is the glass ceiling a product of powerfull men and close elevators? Just asking. meanwhile back at the Torstar.

That excitement was present Monday when Gore spoke to 5,000 people packed into a Regina hockey rink, and when he spoke later that day to 1,600 people at a Calgary concert hall at an event sponsored by the local chamber of commerce

At $ 125,000.00 per pop I think it wasn't a bad day for the Goracle, but I digress.Back to the Torstar once again.

That excitement is most noticeable among Canadians who feel deeply about the environment and are eager to take action. A report prepared for the Harper government and obtained by the Star labelled these people, who it said represent about one-fifth of the population, "the Suzuki Nation."

(emphasis mine)

Feel deeply....so this is an emotional process..excitement is equated with truth. The best the lefties can claim is that 20% of the Canadian population buy the the evangelical prophecies of an ORACLE? As far as I'm concerned I thought the term Goracle was a rhetorical bitchslap. I guess not.

More of the self-fullfilling parody:

This week alone, Gore will have given his slide show on climate change eight times. Suzuki is just as active.

O.K. I ain't no theoeretical physicist or econonomist...but 8x$125,000.00 is somewheres around a cool Million. Unless you're a Vanderbilt or a Ford...that ain't a bad week.

Earlier this year, he made 40 appearances as part of a 30-day, cross-Canada bus tour aimed at promoting the fight against global warming.

That would be Suzuki, fourty stops in thirtydays, grueling, except for the "rockstar" bus and the foundation. The humanity!! As an aside, Dr. Dave has managed to collect a few bucks for the Suzuki Foundation.

Together, Gore and Suzuki are influencing a nation, especially young Canadians, like no politician is these days. And together, they have put climate change at the top of the political agenda. Politicians are slowly becoming aware of that, as demonstrated this week by the Harper government's effort to put a positive spin on its much-hyped plan to combat global warming.

Are you folks following me? My train of thought I mean. Read that last paragraph. When yer done... read it again. I had to.

Let me translate.....A mediocre politician and a CBC personality (check this man's real credentials) are influencing a nation. And they decry the spin???

How the fuck can I compete with that?

Syncro

7 comments:

Scooter Van Neuter said...

Why are you so bitter toward someone who's just trying to save all our lives?
I think you're jealous of Mr. Gore, and since you can't argue against his science you attempt to mock him and the forward-thinking people who follow him.
I'm in Phoenix today and the temperature is over 100 degrees. Without Al Gore it would easily be 120 - 150 degrees and plant and animal species would be dying at an incredible rate.
Think about that next time you want to mock someone.

Scooter peace out.

PS: When I saw the F word at the end of your rambling story I thought I had accidently landed at a gay porn site again. You should be ashamed.

syncrodox said...

Scooter

Lol!!! Yer a hoot Scoot!!! I didn't realize the Goracle was trying to save the planet, being somewhat cynical I thought he was feathering his nest by pitching a blovaited, hyperbolic, power point schtick.

I stand corrected.

Being as how the Goracle has managed to reduce the temperature in Pheonix and undoubtedly save millions of red bellied gekos, do you think he can make the days a little longer up here in the winter?

I'm sure it won't be a prob for a wiz bang guy like Al.

Syncro

P.S. This is NOT A GAY PORN SITE. Although your use of again does raise some questions.

Anyways...I sometimes regress..."You can take the man out of the oilpatch but you can't take the oilpatch out of the man."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Scooter Van Neuter said...

I'm sorry you have an "oilpatch" (whatever that is) in you.
Once, I got a GI Joe stuck in me, but I was very young. I suggest you see your doctor.

Scooter peace out.

PS: When the he says it's not going to hurt to remove it, he's lying.

syncrodox said...

Scooter

It can't be removed but it's not terminal. BTW you must have grown up in a tough hood... or San Fran.

Syncro

Tyler said...

Syncro,
It's unfortunate that you debase and undermine your own point by attacking the vocal source of that which you oppose. It's called an ad hominem fallacy. Conservatives everywhere will have to learn about this before they'll have any chance of being taken seriously by the intelligent public.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

syncrodox said...

Tyler

Thanks for stopping by and for the link.

I must take issue with your term ad hominem fallacy. While I'll give you the fact that personal attacks may weaken my point, that doesn't automatically make them false.

On this file AG and DS have the integrity of a fruitfly and hopefully the longevity.

Are they swell folks? I don't have a clue, but I do know what they have put out as a matter of public record.

Hence, my contempt.

As far as being taken seriously...while that sounds appealing, the main focus of this blog is to vent when I feel pissy.

IMHO there are much more pressing issues in this world than self serving, contrived, crisis, confabulations.

Then that's just me.

Syncro

Anonymous said...

What's an "onacololigical" surgeon?