Everybody Draw Mohammed Day....My Million Mo Contribution.

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The Broad Strata Fraud Gang

CBC News is reporting on a massive mortgage fraud involving hundreds of properties and tens of millions of dollars. While mortgage fraud is nothing new the fact that proceeds of this criminal activity appears to be leaving Canada for some interesting destinations is.

During its investigation, bank investigators seized records that showed millions of dollars from the alleged scheme have been transferred to such countries as Lebanon, India, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates and Pakistan.

It makes one wonder what the pilfered funds were ultimately used for by this broad strata of Canadian fraudsters.

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A Compromise Candidate for GG

It seems that Michael Ignatieff has focused his considerable thinking skills on the office of Governor General. (has it been raining in Ottawa?) Iffy concludes that the status quo is the best approach and advocates for the extension of current GG Michaelle Jean's term. In doing so he appears to be attempting to paint PMSH into a politically correct corner.

Iffy's comments, offered up in a "just saying" fashion are clearly constructed to focus attention on Ms. Jean's politically correct demographic credentials.

In explaining his stance, Ignatieff said Canadians were "deeply moved" by Jean's swift response to the massive earthquake in her homeland of Haiti, that killed more than 200,000 people.

He also said Jean "has been a powerful advocate of Aboriginal and Arctic people," and her own personal story has been an inspiration to young Canadians.

"As a francophone woman who overcame great obstacles to get where she is today, and as the first black Canadian appointed as Governor General, I can't imagine a better role model for young Canadians, particularly young girls," he said.

A black, francophone, immigrant, woman who is married to an avowed Quebec separatist is going to be hard to top and given Iffy's focus on demographics all but eliminates any old, white, male, conservative, senior statesmen, like say Preston Manning.

So be it!

With Preston out of the running I got to thinking who might be suitable for the office. In doing so I looked back to see if there were any common traits shared by our most recent GG's.
Adrienne Clarkson came to mind. Woman, immigrant, ex-CBC personality, visible minority, annoying husband (does anybody miss John Ralston Saul?)

When compared with Michaelle Jean a trend begins to emerge. Woman, immigrant, ex-CBC personality, visible minority, annoying husband (has anybody outside of Quebec seen Jean-Daniel Lafonde's films?)

With this critera in mind I believe I've found the perfect compromise candidate for GG.

Sitara Hewitt

Now you may not recognize Sitara sans burka, which she dons for her role as Dr. Rayyan Hamoudi in the PC CBC series Little Mosque on the Prairie. Granted Ms. Hewitt was born in Elora, Ontario but she is the daughter of Welsh and Pakistani immigrants, speaks Hindi and Urdu, skydives, surfs, trained as a pro wrestler in the WWE and is married to Jessie Pavelka (has anybody seen any of his films?)

Sitara's religious beliefs are none of my business but she does play a Muslim on TV so that's worth something.

While Sitara does not exactly fit the mold, at 28 she is relatively young but she more than makes up for it in hawt! As far as being an inspiration for teenage girls, who knows but my teenage sons found her inspiring in her role as co-host of the game show You Bet Your Ass.

Please Prime Minister Harper, do the right thing and appoint Sitara Hewitt as our next Governor General.

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Justin Trudeau Weighs in on Political Principles

With the Olympics now a memory Canada returns to our other national sport, politics. With the battle now rejoined it appears that the Liberal Party of Canada is pulling out the big guns to fire the opening salvos. It began with Iffy's op-ed piece in the Grope and Flail....the one he wrote during the gold medal game and is now followed by this stellar bit from the crown prince of the LPC. Justin Trudeau.

Justin awkwardly opens here:

Even though it makes my job as a member of the Official Opposition a little easier, I am genuinely disappointed that this Conservative government didn’t hold true to the principles that brought it to power.

And I’m not even talking about their abject failure to be fiscally responsible or their enthusiasm for patronage and pork. I’m referring to the basic premise of the old Reform Party, the call for a government that is open, accountable, and respectful of democratic values and the rights of its citizens.

Who would have thought that the brilliance that sprang from the loins of the great Pierre Elliot Trudeau would one day bemoan the passing of Preston Manning's Reform Party. Of course it gets better. Justin further elucidates:

Instead, over the past four years, Stephen Harper has carefully nurtured and encouraged a level of cynicism about politics and politicians heretofore unseen in Canada. Instead of championing the conservative principle of less government, he made people believe less in government.

Ummm....Justin....simple folk like myself don't believe in government intervention, so it follows that less is best. PM Harper did not create this belief in me, your dad did. Meanwhile JT further hacks his way through this piece:

He started by selling us policies that were simple and catchy, but had little real impact (think GST cuts instead of income-tax cuts, or $100 child-care cheques instead of actual child-care spaces). Add to that his propensity to launch vicious personal attacks on anyone – politician or citizen – with the temerity to disagree with them, and his tried and true Bush-era tactic of loudly repeating semi-truths and falsehoods often enough for them to take hold, and it’s no wonder that a weary populace has been turning away from the goings-on in Ottawa.

He becomes a scary them, followed by the obligatory Bush/Harper bash and closes with a wondering, wailing, warble about the tragedy of it all. Justin does manage to finish with a flourish though:

The fact that Stephen Harper didn't anticipate the strength of the prorogation outrage is proof that he overestimated the effectiveness of his campaign of induced cynicism. And, yet again, underestimated Canadians' faith in our democracy. Because for all the undeniable short-term partisan advantages of wedge issues, attack ads, and the politics of division, Canadians resist because we know that we deserve better.

We are a people of differences, in languages, religions, backgrounds, histories, cultures, and colours, but we are a people bound together by values that run deeper. We are open, compassionate, and generous. We seek justice, liberty, and opportunities for all. But above everything, we respect each other, and demand that respect in return.

And that’s why Stephen Harper’s strategies of secrecy, small-mindedness, and cynicism will ultimately fail, because simply put: Canadians will never trust a government that does not trust Canadians.

Listen up kid. My political cynicism began with your father. When you speak of wedge politics you seem to forget that dear dead dad perfected the game. When you speak of respect you fail to recognize that real respect is earned not demanded and when you speak of trust you obviously overlook the brown envelopes crammed with our money that found their way into LPC coffers.

Finally a couple of quotes from a well known, even revered, Canadian politician of yore:

“If I found in my own ranks that a certain number of guys wanted to cut my throat, I'd make sure that I cut their throats first.”

and

“Power only tires those who don't exercise it.”

Three guesses who's quoted.

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Team Canada As Sydney Crosby's Muse?

So I'm watching tonight's Canada/Germany hockey game and Rick Nash busts in, splitting the defense and attacking the net, drawing a penalty SHOT.

With Canada leading 4-0 coach Babcock surmises that at this critical juncture what we really need is to let the media designated star pull a little razzle dazzle.

So he appoints Sid the Kid to take the shot.....which he of course misses.

Nice.

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Heather Mallick Mounts the Pissy Podium

Perpetual whiner Heather Mallick is once again embarrassed to be Canadian. In a rambling ode to manic depression Heather hits all the lefty talking points.

Watch and learn, Brits. In 2012 you'll be like us: curled up like a shrimp on the couch, screaming as your prime minister – whoever he may be at that point – embarrasses you in public at the opening of the Olympic games.

Whenever Stephen Harper's big boxy grey-lidded head appeared on screen, with its wet smile (note on his hand: Try to grin like normal human), I would rant at anyone within hearing, ie, no one. "He's Bush with a mean streak, he's a Slytherin, we only gave him a minority government in a prolonged fit of pique." (Then I'd say it in French, out of bilingual idealism.)

Nice job Heather, a Gollum reference, a George Bush reference, a Sarah Palin reference, a Harry Potter reference a Natural Governing Party reference and a official bilingualism reference. But tell us how you really feel.


In Canada, we normally we have a House of Commons where our MPs vent on our behalf, but since Harper prorogued parliament (governing is so much more efficient without it, as one of his ministers put it) with the permission of the governor-general, we have nowhere else to go but the sofa.

Prorougation induced depression and poor editing...Good grief. Naturally it gets weirder.

For Canadians, the opening ceremonies in Vancouver on Friday were like watching your dad get drunk at a party. You love the guy, but my God, he isn't going to dance. In front of everyone. Look, he's taking off his jacket. As I live and die, what is he wearing? Awww, I love him. And so on.

The event gave the impression that Canadians spent their time posing on pointy mountains, paddling navy blue lakes and staring at evergreens (anti-deciduous to an extent that verged on the racist, I say), surrounded by snow snow snow, more snow than air. And we honour the wisdom of our aboriginal peoples, whose land we, well, stole but they have forgiven us and dance at our Olympic ceremonies.

In reality, most of us are frighteningly inert, the water on the reserves where our poverty-stricken native Canadians live is undrinkable, British Columbia trees are being killed en masse by the mountain pine beetle unleashed by climate change, and the snow is brown and crusty on the curbs of the cities near the US border where most of us live.

Yikes! Daddy issues, batshit crazy racism reference, colonialism, tokenism, aboriginal poverty, global warming and anti-Americanism. Heather is in fine form, peaking at just the right time. She goes on to critique the opening ceremonies and then returns to her favorite topic...her depression.

It's her updated depressing rendition of her classic Both Sides Now ("I really don't know clouds/love/life at all") which I always call I Hate Myself and Want to Die. You'll remember the song from Love Actually when Emma Thompson had just learned that Alan Rickman had been unfaithful. She spent the song in the marital bedroom dazedly straightening out a quilt.

I spent it sobbing. Thanks, Olympic organisers!

Classic Mallick. A true gold medal performance.

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Rick Mercer Contemplates Felatio

Having somehow missed out on the latest senate appointments, television personality Rick Mercer tweeted out to his peeps with a call for suggestions on whom one can blow for a senate seat.

Two things came to mind:

Rhetorical...right?

and

You haven't been blowing the wrong guys ...have you?

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